Bah Humbug - It's December again! 6 days to go!

It's Monday, Monday 19th December. In less than a week, 6 days, it will all be over. We will all have eaten too much, forgotten to unwrap gifts carefully so I can reuse the wrapping paper next year, and realised that half of what we bought each other has just contributed to the clutter that we had decluttered earlier.

As I ponder over the ever-increasing commercialisation of Christmas and whether I really ought to cancel the present buying once and for all, it forced me to reflect upon the origins of exchanging gifts at this time of year.

I mean, yes, I know all about Saint Nicholas and the golden oranges. But not everyone is a poor old man in need of a dowry for all his daughters.

Yes, I know that St Nicholas was well known for his kindness and generosity, taking baskets of food and items to the needy, never asking for anything in return.

And that is just it.

Those gifts from St. Nick were for those in need. If you don't need something, then St Nick shouldn't be visiting you.

The controversial question arose. If we are not in need, then why are we temptingly drawn in by tear-jerking commercials and glitz each year? Unconsciously, we spend the bonus that we were given (or not if you work for yourself), that should probably have gone towards something we needed, or something we don't.

Unless of course, you are a dog ...

And yes, there are a number of other fantastic commercials to rival John Lewis, but they did it first, and if I was that dog, I would want a trampoline too.

Bah flipping Humbug.

Bah Humbug! It's December, again - 18 more days to go

Irreverant Christmas decorations

Living in a household of boys, - (even my cats are male, although they are at both ends of the testosterone scale) - means that there is no fairy atop the Christmas tree - not even a Fairy Liquid bottle - that would be too frou-frou, like the fat, feather adorned fairy of my childhood.

In fact, it is amazing there is a tree at all. The whole idea of Christmas is simply too commercial and too emotional.

This year, I didn't even buy discounted advent calendars. Mostly because all that were left were Bob the Builder and a rather tacky Transformers set. I just could not bring myself to part with my cash. Instead, they can choose to buy their own chocolate, or save up for a game. I suppose it helps to cut down on the Oxy-5 spot cream.

Nevertheless, there has to be an element of cheery laughter and a whisp of tongue in cheek humour associated with any Christmas - well, any Christmas in our house.

So, over the years, I have decided to create irreverant Christmas montages. A sort of relief to the clichéd nativity scene that is a construct of conjecture.

This year features a decapitated teddy on top of a bag of now-lost-its-smell potpurri, topplying snowman giving a Halo or some other posable game character, a kick up the butt.

I hate to think what might happen when the toys come alive at night.

Last year, we featured Santa - who looked like he was in a rush - ladened down with gifts, being show a Christmas cook book with a roast turkey on the cover, by a Penguin. I thought it was rather fitting as it carried on the John Lewis theme: roast a penguin.

I suppose now, I need to create a second montage for the moon. Maybe I will use some cheese and crackers, afterall, that is what the man in or on the moon eats, isn't it?

Bah Humbug. I wonder what roasted penguin tastes like?

Bah Humbug. It's December again - 11 days to Christmas

Bah Humbug, it's 14th December.

Where did the last two weeks go? Now I only have 11 days to left.

I always wondered why it couldn't be right instead of left. I mean what is wrong with that?

I digress. 11 days, that isn't even two weeks. I came home from shopping yesterday, tired and weary. I had to stand in a queue and mingle with too many people who were peri-gyrating around the shops.

Gosh I hate Christmas, what a Bah Humbug.

Today, I seem to have wasted half of it deciding whether to remove the capitalisation from the beginning of each line of Eric and the Volcano, or whether I should stand by my conviction of being a semi-purist poet.

That out of the way, I decided to try and unblock the semi-blocked kitchen drain. That really did not work.

Oh toilets! Bah Humbug, another waste of my time. 

Half the day gone ...

With that I gave up.

How can I feel "seasonal" when I am unblocking a drain in a t-shirt and shorts? Living in the tropics where the the weather is far from even semi-Christmassy - even when it rains, it just stays hot and sticky, which might seem nice, but not all the time - the only seasons are hot and rainy and not quite so hot and rainy.

Bring me a Christmas sweater. Then maybe I might verge on feeling quasi-seasonal.

I suppose I could crank up the air-con to freezing, but then I'd be increasing my carbon footprint, which is not a great idea, especially since we were shown a public awareness and do your bit video before watching The Penguins of Madagascar yesterday.

Did I say penguins? I wonder what they would do on a tropical island?

Oh, yes, now I remember, they sit on the beach tanning their faces.

On the subject of Penguins, I re-watched a perfect example of perfect emotionally-binding marketing, which brought tears to my eyes and made me feel slightly, if not rather Christmassy.

I wonder if I will get a penguin for Christmas?

BAH HUMBUG