Bah Humbug - It's December again! 8 days to go!

Saturday 17th December.

Another one of those days when I vowed that my only going out would be for a walk and to tutor.

As luck, or fate, or whatever you like to call it, would have it, the iron conked out after lunch. I was not ironing my lunch, but clothes. I suppose I could have folded them and laid them flat underneath my mattress for a couple of hours, but that never works that well.

Taking my life in my hands, I sent off for another dash.

And then I heard them. Carol singers. I suppose it made a change from Christmas muzak. And then I listened.

It was as intelligible as the minions singing Christmas songs.

Which made me wonder, why on earth we sing Christmas songs. Christmas carols, I get. I understand. But why Christmas songs? And, why have we managed to conflate songs with carols?

Carols were sung well before Christianity took a hold. They were songs and dances, sung by pagans for mark each season of the year. Some of these customs still exist today in some of the hymns I used to sing at school: All things Bright and Beautiful and We Plough the Fields and Scatter during Harvest Festival time.

Carols were reserved for Christmas. It was drummed into my head that to sing these songs at any other time of the year was bad luck. Goodness knows where that one came from?

I could write more, but I am Bah flipping Humbug Christmas caroled out after my minions encounter.

Bah Humbug! It's December, again - 14 more days to go

Christmas nonsense rhymes

And why not? Christmas nonsense rhymes as a viable alternative to Christmas songs, which let's face it, played in the supermarkets in Singapore, really are a load of none-sense.

"Let it snow, let it snow," really? in Singapore? 

"Winter Wonderland?" - I just don't know - even walking around the supermarket in t-shirt and shorts, trying to feel cold, I can't place Singapore as a Winter Wonderland. Sorry, Frankie.

"Just hear those sleigh bells jingle ..." - more like the tills beeping as they scan the extra chocolate and other none-nutritious packages.

And, "Frosty the snowman ..." since when was he part of Christmas? As it hardly ever snows on Christmas Day, the link is extremely tenuous.

Finally, "Jingle Bells" - I thought Santa had reindeer, not a single horse. Seems like a song about a chariot race in the snow. I wonder, maybe it was written for Ben Hur?

So, with this nonsense in mind, and the last tutorial before Christmas for one of my students, the last fifteen minutes was dedicated to the art of penning nonsense Christmas poetry. His tongue-in-cheek rhymes, I believe would give any pseudo Christmas song, a run for its money ...

Fat old Santa had a bat,

To pick a fight with every bat.

But, then he found a big fat pig,

So, he ran away while doing a jig.

What could be more melodic than that?

And, finally, a couple more verses of:

DOWN THE CHIMNEY ©

 

We eyed the mince pies on the plate,

To check if he had ate

A bite, or drunk a glass of milk,

But all I saw was guilt.

The white moustache upon Dad’s lip,

Betrayed more than a sip,

And hard to hide the mince pie crumbs,

That sat all over mum’s.

Bah Humbug.

Bah Humbug. It's December again - 15 days to Christmas

Bah Humbug, it's 10th December. 

If it's 10th December, that means there are only 15 more days to go, or I suppose 14 before the eve of the day itself.

I still have a pile of Christmas cards I have not sent out as I ran out of stamps and I hate the post office at Christmas. Actually, I hate the post office most of the time. Anything that involves a queue to me seems entirely pointless and a waste of good time.

So instead I went out to have coffee with a friend. She needed some milk, and some mince pies, so I popped into the supermarket to buy some. Simple enough task.

Simple was the word. I popped to a fabulous bakery named Simply Bread. However, their kitchens are still under renovation, so they don't have any bread, or cakes, or in fact anything that has to be baked. Perhaps they should temporarily rename themselves to Simply.

I had not choice but to try the other bakery, that is not so good, but they did have mince pies. Until the woman in front of me purchased every single one. OK not every one, but all the traditional mince pies. 'You could have blueberry mince pies,' suggested the apathetic serving staff.

'Blueberry mince pies?'

'Blueberry mince pies?'

Is this some other Americanism that has crept into an age old tradition? since when did mince pies have blueberries in them?

I declined and resorted to the supermarket. I still had to purchase milk.

Joy to the world, or rather Boney M greeted me. Why is it that at the same time every year, we are subjected to Wizard, Boney M, Band Aid, McCartney and Wham as we stroll the even narrower aisles than usual because they've decided to build precarious castles of food on offer, that is probably still 20% more expensive than on a normal day?

As if the assault to my ears was not enough, everyone kept walking in my way or standing in the aisle in such a manner that it would be impossible to pass unless of course you were a large elephant and then you probably wouldn't care.

And then, and I feel a hyperbole coming, I had to wait a million years at the cashier because someone wanted to pay with gift tokens and someone else wanted to purchase a gift token and wanted an envelope for it.

All I wanted was a litre of semi-skimmed milk and six mince pies!

So a fifteen minute journey took me nearly an hour.

I rest my case, all that queueing, turned out to be a waste of my time because someone else was not being efficient with theirs.


To add icing to the Christmas cake, they were digging up the road outside my friend's house when I arrived.


I reckon it was all to do with the alignment of the stars, and that rather large one that will be settling down in 15 days time.

Meanwhile,  the cup of coffee from the french press was extremely welcome.


BAH HUMBUG

Why can't everyone go home and let me shop in peace?

Incidentally queueing can be spelt without the e but with the extra e is best, after all, what fun having a word with 5 consecutive vowels!

The Tenth Day Before Christmas - Bah Humbug

Bah Humbug, it's 15th December, 10 days to go. Rather like a rocket countdown.

Which brings me to the subject of China putting a rabbit or rather a rover called rabbit on the moon. I thought Rover was a dog, a Tolkien Dog that ended up living for a while on the moon with another dog called Rover and so he had to change his name to Roverandum.

A wonderful short video of Roverandum meeting the man in the moon.




BAH HUMBUG: Three hours wandering around a shopping mall, jammed with shoaling shoppers while we waited our turn to collect a couple of new phones and a few other nicknacks. And then it rained.

You see, this is why this time of year is such a nightmare - I should say Bah Humbug, again. Shoaling shoppers, rain, traffic, over-priced items, pressure to purchase what you don't really need and a cacophony of Christmas songs.