Bah Humbug - It's December again! 7 days to go!

Sunday 18th December.

Goodness me, we are at that point again. The end of term and a few days left before we all eat too much and suffocate under a mountain of wrapping paper, which could have been reused next year if only someone hadn't ripped it off the gifts. With my new no-need-to-programme iron, I could iron the paper flat and no one would ever know.

So today we made an attempt to get into the festive throes. Not that we were actually throwing anything around. Friends were coming over. Out came the monopoly board - that game that creates enemies. It needed a slight wipe down, not having seen the light of day for a couple of years. Nevertheless, the comment from my sons was that even in Monopoly Singapore is more expensive than any of the other sets. I suppose it was the $84 fairy lights that tipped the balance.

Expensive Singapore.

After lunch, I endeavoured to maintain a stance of Bah Humbugishness, but somehow, it was not quite working. I ended up being helpful, even nice. Although there was an ulterior motive. The Redmart delivery chap's van conked out. As he turned the engine over, 15 times, my basement filled with the pleasant odour of petrol fumes.

I offered him the jump leads and lifted the bonnet of my car to hook them up to the battery.

"Do you know where the battery is in the van?" he enquired.

"Uh, not really, but I'll look it up on the internet."

Battery finally located, I asked,

"OK, now, do you know how to jump start a car/van?"

"Uh, no," was the reply with a shake of the head.

Oh dear, yet another male who has no clue how a car works. I began to feel a tad concerned, visions returned to me when the last chap I helped managed to create sparks when he hit the jump leads together before he hooked them up to his car.

While I was pondering this possibility of fireworks at Christmas, the van's engine miraculously kicked into life.

A Christmas Miracle on Sixth Avenue.

The delivery chap smiled, said thank you, apologised for the inconvenience and went on his way. I was left holding the jump leads, not quite sure what had happened. Maybe the Toyota Hiace van felt sorry for the chap and did not want him embarrassed by some strange woman with a set of jump leads.

But more concerning for me was not that the chap was not a mechanic, but that basic car skills were lacking. I wondered if he could change a plug? I rather smugly tell my sons that I taught myself using a reference manual when I was 11 years old. My father was so surprised, he had to open the plug to check I had wired it correctly - which of course, I had.

At 4.30pm, putting jump leads and rewired plugs to one side, I partook of a glass of champagne. Not Prosecco as I had feared that this Christmas would be complete with, but Champagne made by a strange Widow called Cliquot. Widow's champagne. I suppose even widows have to be able to celebrate.

Bah Humbug was chased out of the window, replaced by bubbles, M&S Christmas Almond biscuits and over priced cherries  - now don't get me going on the stupid cost of cherries in thus country - now I am feeling Bah flipping Humbug, again ...

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 8 days to go!

Saturday 17th December.

Another one of those days when I vowed that my only going out would be for a walk and to tutor.

As luck, or fate, or whatever you like to call it, would have it, the iron conked out after lunch. I was not ironing my lunch, but clothes. I suppose I could have folded them and laid them flat underneath my mattress for a couple of hours, but that never works that well.

Taking my life in my hands, I sent off for another dash.

And then I heard them. Carol singers. I suppose it made a change from Christmas muzak. And then I listened.

It was as intelligible as the minions singing Christmas songs.

Which made me wonder, why on earth we sing Christmas songs. Christmas carols, I get. I understand. But why Christmas songs? And, why have we managed to conflate songs with carols?

Carols were sung well before Christianity took a hold. They were songs and dances, sung by pagans for mark each season of the year. Some of these customs still exist today in some of the hymns I used to sing at school: All things Bright and Beautiful and We Plough the Fields and Scatter during Harvest Festival time.

Carols were reserved for Christmas. It was drummed into my head that to sing these songs at any other time of the year was bad luck. Goodness knows where that one came from?

I could write more, but I am Bah flipping Humbug Christmas caroled out after my minions encounter.

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 9 days to go!

Friday 16th December.

Second day of the home run. 10 - 9 - and the rest ...

And so, arose the question of why we put fairies on Christmas trees. And fairies that show their bums because there are not enough feathers to cover their backsides. Somehow, that reminiscence of childhood will remain with me forever.


In searching for why and where the tradition came from - I encountered a few rather inappropriate (for this family themed blog, at least), theories as to why there is a fairy on top of the tree. Amusing all the same.


One thought is that the original tradition was not a star, but and angel at the top of the tree, but somehow angels and fairies became blurred in the passage of time. And, besides, fairies are a lot smaller and lighter than a full sized angel - I mean could you imagine John Travolta dressed up as Michael, sitting on the top of your tree? 

Somehow, it makes more sense to put a fairy on top.

But if you want a child-friendly tale, with an ecologically friendly twist, then the story of the fairies in the woods and the queen of the fairies and the spiders' webs, is also quite convincing.

Now where did I put the other Bah flipping Humbug fairy?

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 10 days to go!

Thursday 15th December. And a quick dash to the bookshop.

Why was it so busy?

Ah, yes, I went on the first day of 20% off for members and 10% off for non-members. A ruse to charge more during the year, and then charge a more reasonable price for books leading up to the season when most people purchase books that will sit on shelves and never be read.

Off I dashed. Rather like Santa's reindeer - only, I was dashing through the carpark trying to find a parking space.

Too many people out today. It took me 15 minutes to find a space.

And then I was dashing up the escalators, trying to dodge the people who refuse to stand on the correct side.

Finally, I found myself dashing around the bookstore. It's sort of a circular bookstore, laid out around a central set of escalators, so the dashing was definitely circular. It brought to mind a corporate ski holiday in Park City, Utah, many moons ago. The company I was visiting arranged a reindeer sleigh ride, complete with sleigh bells.

It was dark. The reindeer walked us around in a figure of eight - two circles. It seemed like we'd covered a lot of ground. Perhaps we had, but we hadn't gone very far.

So, there I was, in the middle of a bookstore in Singapore - Kinokinuya - dashing around, trying to find where they'd moved all the sections.

Why on earth do stores move things around?

It can only be to tourture customers, or make you find things you suddenly think you need, but didn't need when you first walked in.

Bah flipping Humbug, it's a good job my overspend was on books ...

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 11 days to go!

Wednesday 14th December.

On the subject of fake trees - I discovered there is quite an internet industry, providing the latest and greatest advice on how to achieve the perfect fake tree.

How has Christmas become so commercialised that now there are websites dedicated to helping you find your perfect fake tree?

Can no one think for themselves anymore? Why would I want my tree to look like anyone else's, or for that matter, like it came out of a magazine. My tree and the manner in which I choose to decorate it, belongs to me ... and the cats ...


Bah Humbug.



A few scary sites:

How to choose fake trees

Christmas Tree Buyers Guide

Select the right Christmas tree size

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 12 days to go!

Tuesday 13th December. This was the day my tree got called small. Not just small, but SO small.

This was going to give me sleepless nights. I had invested in a fake tree. Unlike fake news, there is actually some substance to a fake tree. It exists. Only this one, the one I had purchased online, thinking that I had achieved something rather clever, was not quite how it looked. So the element of fake, I suppose, permeates even Christmas trees.

Now, back to whether my tree was small, so small or just plain, too small. I fear the latter.

Unbeknown to me, there is a formula for determining the size of a tree proportionate to the room. It involves height, and a minimum depth. No one considers that there might be tall skinny trees. All trees, as they get taller, they widen proportionally. Really?

According to the websites, touting the benefits of needle-free trees - none of which include my Alt-stick-tree - the top of the tree should be 1.5-0.5 ft from the ceiling. Whoops.

According to the website: How to Decorate, my old 7ft tree, stuffed on the top shelf in the basement storeroom, is closer to the correct size for the room/house. Although I hasten to add, I did not get the masking tape out and measure down 1.5ft from the ceiling.

Who in their right mind does that?

But the trouble with my old tree is that it is old. Gosh, am I becoming more consumerist in wanting new all the time? Last time I used it, it made me itch. And, the fake needles fell off. So much for a needle-free Christmas.


Next, I considered the real tree that I had decadently purchased last year. Decadent, as while they grow quickly, fir trees do little to combat global warming, the needles are not wide enough to photosynthesise in a manner that puts back more oxygen into the atmosphere.

The tree did shed some of its needles, but not so many that it made such a huge difference, compared to the old 7ft tree, The needle-free Christmas argument was waning.

The benefits of a fake tree are that you can recycle it, year after year - or for a number of years before it makes you itch and the fake needles do fall off.

The real tree needs to be disposed of. Far East Flora where I purchased the tree last year, offer a recycling service. However, rather than recycling the tree for something useful, I had to pay for it to be used to make electricity.

So much for being eco-friendly with my real tree.

The real tree was 6ft. So, essentially, if I follow the How to Decorate website, it was too short. Nevertheless, for the floor space, it was perfect.

I am beginning to sound like a busy-mama-consumer website for purchasing Christmas trees. My Bah Humbug is missing.

Not for long.

I was too busy this year to stop and wander around the plant place to purchase another not-hugely-needle-dropping tree that would be made into firewood in early January. I purchased online. Saved me time, petrol and aggro.

I hummed, and hah'd about how tall my tree should be. It could not be 7ft. I did not want it making me itch again. 6ft seemed a good size, so I ordered the 5ft one. I am not sure why, but I did. Maybe I had austerity carols ringing in my ears? Maybe reading A Christmas Carol with my students had set me down the slippery slope of not giving a boiled sweet about Christmas. Or maybe I simply wanted a slightly less obtrusive tree?


And that, is why my 5ft tree is on a stand, to make it appear 6ft when it is not.

Although, somehow, it still did not fool my Kindergarten pupil. She knew it was short.

Bah flipping Humbug to that.

Bah Humbug - It's December again! 13 days to go!

Monday 12th December.

One of those days when I had to use my brain. My assignment was due in by noon, UK time. No time for Christmas today.

What I did need to do, however, was to chase up on my oven that was not working, but should have been working. Still at the back of my mind was that niggling feeling that we might just be ordering pizza for lunch on Christmas Day.

Not much to say today, so I shall post a photograph of Santa decorating a tree that is decidedly miniature, next to an old telephone, that is fake.

Lots of fake around this year.

Bah flipping fake Humbug ...